i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
