so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
