you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
