Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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