I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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