Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
