I think my fart just growled at me.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
