Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
