Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
