I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
