A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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