i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
