i just wanna soil my oats bro
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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