some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
