we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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