guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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