I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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