what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Randomize
