i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
