I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
