Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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