Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
