Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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