having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
