It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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