As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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