I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
