Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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