i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
