He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
