i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
