Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
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You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
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We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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