My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize