walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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