they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
love makes seman taste better
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
