He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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