party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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