you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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