I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
