they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
