thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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