i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
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I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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