I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
