My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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