I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize