Define "chronic" masturbator.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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