The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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