I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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