Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Found the puke drawer
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
