I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
