I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
