So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize