And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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