im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
