just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
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The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize