reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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