my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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