I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
