this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
